its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
