does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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