Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize