normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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