btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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