I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
