I will die if light touches me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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