Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
