So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
