Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
