Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
