Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
