I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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