I want to stick my p in your. b.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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