I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
