This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
