hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
