I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Terrible idea I love it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
