You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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