I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
