You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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