She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
