my mouth tastes like poor choices
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
