pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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