Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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