I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
