I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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