the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize