I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
