Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
