she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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