Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
