so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
