I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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