i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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