The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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