trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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