sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
