areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
