conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
