Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
