you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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