im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
is wine microwaveable?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
