): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Operation Purity has been aborted
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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