when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
