he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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