Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
