Pappa wants mamma naked
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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