are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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