This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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