that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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