I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
