Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
