How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A bitchslap is in order.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
