I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
