Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
