after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
