We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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