The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You just made me feel so damn special
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
