I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
