Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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