you guys were way drunker than both of me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
