Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
