by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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