HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
