I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
