You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
