Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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