Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
