BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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