I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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