I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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