super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
