Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
